Rhinoceros Party horns its way into Cariboo-Prince George

Jordan Turner is good with children and he feels that makes him imminently qualified for Parliament.

Jordan Turner is good with children and he feels that makes him imminently qualified for Parliament.

The University of Northern British Columbia student has thrown his hat into the political ring and is running for the Rhinoceros Party in Cariboo-Prince George.

“I’m running in an act of protest,” Turner said, in a press release “I’m getting tired of the excessive number of elections. At $300 million a pop, the bill for the elections will be over $1 billion.”

Turner is finishing the third year of his Bachelor of Commerce degree at UNBC. He also works part-time as a lifeguard, swim instructor, and Aquafit instructor for the City of Prince George. Turner believes that his lifeguard experience will make him well-suited for a Member of Parliament.

“If you’ve ever watched Question Period on TV, you will see a few hundred adults, but from the way they act, you might think that they are a bunch of five-year-old children,” said Turner. “As a lifeguard, I’m basically a babysitter in a water-based environment. Since I am good with discipline and dealing with children, I would be perfect for Parliament.”

The name of the Rhinoceros party emerges from the similarities between a rhinoceros and a politician. Both are thick-skinned, slow-moving and dim-witted, he said.

Turner recently revealed his platform: “My platform is two feet high and made out of the finest Prince George pine. I keep it in my kitchen and use it when I need to reach to the high cupboard above the stove.”

The economy is an important issue in Turner’s campaign, with the security of people’s assets as the top priority. The Rhinoceros Party promises to take major steps to prevent any damage from being caused in a future stock market crash.

“The top priority is to install airbags in the Toronto Stock Exchange,” said Turner. “Airbags are proven to provide safety and protection. Plus, there’s lots of hot air being generated in the House of Commons to fill them up with.”